My heart was racing. I felt my body temperature rising like a flood tide. 

The conversation was rapidly changing into a big fat argument. 

In the heat of the battle, I had one goal: win.

In the midst of a heated conversation, when my blood pressure skyrockets and my hands start to shake, I find in my heart two competing voices.

One voice knows that the relationship matters most. 

The other (much louder) voice wants to be heard and to be right.

I don’t know about you, darling friend, but I am consistently amazed at my own sin. 

One minute life feels like a fresh spring day and the hills are alive with the sound of music. The next, I’m so mad I want to spit or cuss. Or throw something, hard, and then spit and cuss.

The devil can catch me in a trap of offense as quick as a hiccup. 

Remember what Paul wrote to the Corinthians, just before the verses above? 

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge … but do not have love, I am nothing.” {I Corinthians 13:2}

Wretch that I am, what can turn the selfish tide in my soul?
What can make me choose to go lower, and lower still, instead of fighting for the upper hand?
And – could this be related? What was God promising us when He said Love never fails?

After my most recent total failure, I discovered this paradox as I picked up the pieces and reconsidered it all:

If I enter an argument to win, I will always lose.

But if I enter an argument to love, I will always win.

Because ‘winning’ isn’t being the last man standing. Or the one with the right words. Or the one with the most logical opening statement and convincing supporting evidence. 

In the upside down Kingdom of Heaven, Christ leads us to triumph and victory when we go low 

When we show up to show love, we can show our Father’s heart, beating in us.

Our Savior humbly submitted to death on the cross, and God highly exalted Him. (Do you see that paradox again there? He went down to get lifted up.)

And He told us, “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you…”

So how do we win? 

We win when we get low, and let love steal the show.

If we can walk away at the end of the day and say, “Father, I did my best to show your love,” then we can give thanks that God is giving us victory over our own selfishness and sin.

That is winning in the Kingdom of Love.

No matter the outcome. No matter the results.

This is how we win every argument: 

We get low, and we give love.

A Take-it-Deeper Challenge

Did any particular arguments come to mind while you read this? Consider taking a moment to share this post with someone with whom you had a big argument – it doesn’t matter if it was a week ago or a decade ago. Apologize for not showing up with love in the heat of the argument, and tell them you’re aiming to handle things differently next time.


P.S. I’m still working behind the scenes on a fresh Bible Study for you! I’m excited to share more soon! Sign up for my weekly love note and you’ll be the first to know when it’s ready. Perhaps you could start thinking of a friend who could join you on the journey?

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