I occasionally freak out. I recently discovered that I can get so weighed down under stress I feel like I might be sick. I crack my fingers (the way other people crack their knuckles) when I’m thinking, I comfort eat too often, and I am probably addicted to q-tips. (Not Q-Tip, the rapper, but the things you use to clean your ears. Just to clarify.)
And these days, every once in a while, though I’m doing a decent job of playing it cool, the mountains looming in front of us feel big. I sit across from Hero Hubs at Wimpy, where we drink a coffee and share a donut, and I stare at him with big, bewildered eyes, and he holds me steady with a phrase he’s been saying since our dating days:
God’s got us.
But I realise if I don’t tell you that this walk of faith doesn’t always look like me sitting on a sunny patch of grass somewhere pondering a proverb while both my boys are peacefully napping and fresh-baked cookies are cooling on a rack, you just won’t know. And the whisper might come your way that everyone else can handle stress, financial hardship, motherhood, or whatever life throws them without freaking out, except you.
And that’s a lie from the pit.
I had a deep conversation with a good friend recently where I shared a bit about some of the mountains we’re facing and trusting God to scale. When I told her that financially we weren’t really sure how this upcoming move was going to come together (though we trust that it will) and that we were in a hard place, she responded in a way I didn’t expect. She said “I’d be mad if I found out you were in a difficult situation and there was something I could’ve done to help but you didn’t tell me.”
It struck me as a completely logical statement, though I’d never thought of it that way before.
You see, the Hubs and I have raised our own support to do the ministry we’ve been doing here in South Africa, and before that in Scotland. Though a part of our support will come from Global Impact when he transitions to the new job in the US, we’ll still be raising support in order to reach a reasonable salary for his work. And after six years on the mission field, it sometimes gets harder to ask, rather than easier.
Even though it’s a calling, and developing a partnership team to help make your ministry possible is a part of the calling, it’s also a challenge, and sometimes it’s just plain hard. My emotions are as mixed up as the Bear’s toss-it-all-in toy box sometimes, when I’m just preparing to write a newsletter or make a phone call.
But it seems to me that this is a part of the process the Lord has been taking me on for a while. He says something, or does something, or somehow helps me through something. I share it with you, and it seems like the Lord is using it in both our lives, and that’s encouraging. I share because I think if I’m there, or I’ve been there, someone else probably is or has been, too. And then you’re kind enough to confirm my suspicions, and that sure is nice.
So there are two things I want to tell you today, because I’ve been reminded that if I don’t tell you, you won’t know. And I don’t want to make you mad because I didn’t tell you.
1. I freak out, too. Wherever you are and whatever you’re struggling through right now, know that you’re not alone. Be encouraged that life isn’t about always getting everything just right, and Motherhood isn’t graded on a curve. Everybody occasionally walks through circumstances that bring out a big, scared, stare-at-the-ceiling-how-the-heck-am-I-gonna-survive-this cry. And if you’re anything like me, and you like to “put your best face forward” please, please remember that you’ve gotta let your guard down sometimes. Be honest when it’s hard. Share. Bare that big beautiful soul.
And now, I shall follow my own advice.
2. We’re about to make a transcontinental move. Some doors are closing. Other doors are opening. The ones that are opening are on the other side of an ocean. It’s going to cost money we don’t have yet, but we are confident that God is going to provide. If you want to be a part of helping this missionary head to a new field, right at home, and bring her Legal Alien and little ones with her, it would be a blessing, indeed. You can find out the details for how to do so right here.
3. If you’re the praying kind, can I ask for your prayers? This transition sometimes feels like a fight on every front. It’s a spiritual battle. It’s an emotional struggle. It’s a financial challenge. We want to love and honour our parents, bless our children, and above all follow the Lord. Pray however you feel directed. We trust that as our prayers meet God’s power, God will make a way.
Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. So. Wanna go bake some cookies?