The night we arrived in Jeffrey’s Bay Mark and Abel had a training to host at the local YWAM base. I decided to stay home with Asher after the busy day of travelling. He had a good bath (since he’d pooped on himself, and me, earlier that day) and he was dressed in the jammies my Mom gave him that have the dogs on them…the ones I love sooo much even though they’re getting a little tight.

Do you need a pajama reminder so you can picture it for yourself? It’s a Bear with curls reminder, too!

Awesome pajamas.

When I realised we still had a half hour to bed time, we walked out onto the balcony and the Bear sat in my lap and we looked up at the bright bright stars and pointed at an occasional airplane flying by. Special moment!! I recited a little poem for him from the Tiny Bear Bible Rory and Sarah gave him. (Yes, I’ve read it enough times to memorize it, easily.)

In the beginning, before time began,
God was right there and he had a great plan.
He flung stars into space, He painted the sky
He lit up the sun, He taught birds how to fly.
But the crown of creation, He saved for the end
He made Adam and Eve and became their best friend.

As I finished, I pointed up at the stars and wished I could better communicate to my twenty-month-old something about the God who created the stars we were looking up at. I think I said something like, “Asher, God created all those stars up there, every one. And He’s the God who created you and loves you very much. You need to remember this, Asher!”

As I sat there, with this tiny boy who still fits in my arms and my lap, I just had this sudden epiphany (well it somehow felt like an epiphany even though it has come to mind at other times): Gosh, he’s really not going to be tiny and fit in my arms forever! And I was teary-eyed, okay I’ll be honest, more than a little tear-eyed, to consider the fact that he is going to grow up and not always going to listen to what we say — he is going to make his own choices about what he believes and how he chooses to live his life. There might be a day when he doesn’t believe in the God who created the stars and the air we breathe and his precious soul, but we pray every night as we put him to bed that he will indeed know and love the God we serve — and we believe those prayers will become a reality! But still, the letting go is a heart-sore thought.

Isn’t it amazing that the Lord lets go of us — He creates us and then lets go and lets us choose how to live our lives, and whether or not we’ll love Him? If I’m really honest, I think if I had a choice, I might decide to keep this little one small enough to always stay in my arms, because I feel like I could always help him make good choices, and keep him safe, and make sure he knows the God who flung all those stars up there.

Sure gives me a lot to think about.