You remember the other day when I was talking about how I think sometimes it’s good to point out that something is a big, fat, yucky lie? Well I was mulling over another one I thought I’d share with you. Please let me know what you think.
Someone once told me … like ages and ages ago … that you’ll regret the things you don’t say more than the things you do. Is that just something someone once told me, or is that a common statement? Please tell me if you’ve heard it or not, seriously. I was just thinking about it as I was reading in Proverbs this morning…maybe I made it up. Anyway, Proverbs 17:27 says,
“He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.”
Lately I’ve found myself occasionally having not such a calm spirit. Wanting to do a jump-up-and-down-frustrated-groaning-grumpy-dance when a simple task is getting the better of me or something isn’t as easy as I want it to be. But on the adverse, I’m glad to say I have been doing a better job of keeping my tongue and thinking about the things I want to say. Feel free to send me a virtual pat on the back.
The truth is, I can think of a lot of things I’ve said that I regret saying, but there aren’t as many things that I’ve left unsaid that I wish I had. Maybe that’s just because I talk a lot. It’s an interesting balance I suppose, and you might find yourself in a different position. But perhaps because it’s the holidays, and sometimes your family can bring out the ‘old man’ like nobody else… or because somebody might grab that last thing off the shelf you were hoping for or slip into the parking space you were gunning for… or you find yourself with a string of lights already on the tree and out of order, take a moment to remember that “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.†Take that extra moment to think about what’s going to come out of your mouth, and how you’re going to react if the mistletoe falls too far from the tree. And seize the opportunity to let love and peace season your words and deeds.
The Sermon in a Nutshell: Relax and enjoy the holidays! If that means holding your tongue here and there, praise the Lord who’s increasing your knowledge and understanding!
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I think the primary difference is WHAT we’re intending to say. If we’re ready to edify someone, then yes, by all means spit it out. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.
I know I often replay terrible conversations in my mind and give myself high-fives for things I SHOULD have said (as in, “Oh yeah, girl, if you had said _____________ to that self-righteous idiot you soooooo would have won the battle.”) Not cool.
I do believe we are hurt worse by things we should have said. There are good conversations I go back to and think, “I could have shared scripture, or something even better there to really encourage that person.” I also think of some situations in which I did open and insert my size 7s I could have said something better by choosing my words more carefully.
I think the bottom line is always always always choose your words carefully–in praise and rebuke because they will always come back to haunt us.
I agree that we must be very careful with what we do say, but I also know from experience that sometimes you do regret what you didn’t say. There are dozens of things I wish I had said to my brother before he passed away, and now they can’t really be said. So I think both statements are true.
Well said, Amanda! (No pun intended). Now that I think about it, there are a lot of those moments where I wish I’d spoken up a little more! I think I’m in a season of being instructed in the art of holding my tongue and not thinking more highly of my opinions that I ought to. May the Lord direct us in every word… 🙂
I think probably the only place I have heard something like that is in the movies when someone is pondering over whether to pursue a relationship.
James warns us about the tongue being a world of evil and Proverbs is simply overflowing with thoughts about the tongue. I think one huge thing to note is that Solomon points out the difference of the tongue in a wise man and a foolish man, such as, “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” So it’s not just about keeping our yappers shut, but about using wisdom in everything we say.
This is a great reminder for me to read over Proverbs again!
I am so glad you gals spoke up in response to this post! I have a tendency to let the pendulum swing too far in one direction or another and I needed some help to think through these things! I was in danger of never speaking up! But I doubt that’s really possible.