On Covetousness

Jan 25, 2010 | Prayers in Poetry & Prose

Please sing me your thoughts about covetousness.
And truly, I would like to know.
It seems every time that I step out my door
and at every place that I go

I see thing after thing that I “need”…that I want
and most would say that it’s okay…
But is it not greed or avarice perhaps
that I windowshop people all day?

I’ve been far away from the West for awhile,
Not years, but just months now, you see.
But it feels long enough for a detox to start
— I wake face to face with my greed.

I thought to find solace at church, perhaps
but while I sing praises for Grace
I find a heart struggle to see words on the screen,
for want of the clothes in the place.

And how, I must wonder have we come so far
to think that it might just be sweet…
More clothes in our closet than we’ll wear in 3 months
while others lack shoes on their feet?

Am I not still greedy — though I “don’t have much” —
is it not avarice at some speed?
To long for day in, week in, and week out
so many things I’ll never need.

Call Waiting

Jan 23, 2010 | Prayers in Poetry & Prose

Until You feel the timing’s right
for You to speak or move,
Lord, I’ll wait and I’ll hold on,
cos I’m holding on for You.

Though waiting seems much harder
and I don’t see the way through,
I mean it when I say I love You,
and I’m holding on to You.

Trust Me.

Jan 20, 2010 | Stories, The Good Word

How often have you heard that statement? A few times too many? Enough to get you in trouble? Sometimes I hear it from people who I feel pretty certain I shouldn’t trust. Sometimes it comes from the guy on your doorstep trying to sell you some miracle cleaning solution or oceanfront property in Kansas.

More often than not, it’s not a serious statement — and it can almost be an indication that you ought to take lightly whatever the person you’re speaking with is about to say next. I always picture Aladdin saying it to Princess Jasmine just before they jump off a building and land in a sand pile, and I guess he was trustworthy. I digress.

Do you trust me?What if God says “Trust Me?”  Is that a different kettle of fish for you? For the past wee while, Mark and I have been praying about some decisions regarding our next steps here in South Africa — about perhaps getting part time employment to make ends meet, or trying to raise more support or — whatever other direction the Lord might lead us in.

Can you guess what the Lord’s response has been as I’ve brought this before Him in prayer? Yup. Trust Me. No booming thou shalts, no other thoughts or directions, just a still, small Trust Me.

I have found hearing a Trust Me from the Lord really encouraging. It has given me an expectation that He is going to do something great…that He’s going to come through for us in some unexpected way…or at least that something is going to happen. But today as I was spending time in the Word and in prayer, I noticed a heaviness on my heart.

The first thing that came to mind was “my thoughts are a mess.” As I went over what I’ve been thinking about and dwelling on. You know those random thoughts you find swirling in your head while you’re shampooing your hair or waiting for the baby to finish his bottle or driving along or absent-mindedly stirring a pot on the stove? Those are the meditations of your heart. They’re a good indication of what’s really going on in there.

And what’s been going on in there ain’t none too purty. I’m full of fear and worry, and mis-trust. Un-trust. Non-trust. Well whatever it is, it ain’t trust! It is really remarkable that Trust Me was God’s Word for me, before I even knew I needed it.

The Bible has a really simple solution to this issue. Would you like to hear a few thoughts on it, dear one? Great! Today I returned to II Corinthians 10 which talks about, among a lot of other really good things, “bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” What I understand from this is that I should consider the thoughts in my head in the light of God’s truth. If they don’t line up with what His Word says, I need to get to a place in my heart and mind where they do line up.

What does that look like? Well, let’s say I’m worrying… be reminded, dear ones, worry is actually a sin…we are specifically instructed not to worry or be anxious about anything! Nevertheless, I am in process and working on this, so let’s say I am worrying about provision for the future. I’m worried about our finances and how all the ends are gonna meet. What does the truth have to say to this concern?

Therefore, do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:31-33)

That’s a great answer, hey? It’s a good idea at this point for me to ask the Lord to forgive me for not trusting Him and for giving so much of my heart over to worry and to fear. Then it’s a good idea for me to begin thinking about that promise from God’s Word, and exchanging my yucky meditations for meditations on God’s Word…His truth and His promises. Think about it until you’re convinced! I think it is good to think about what you’re thinking about…don’t you think?

I look forward to telling you how the Lord brings things about in the days ahead, but in the meantime, perhaps we can all learn and grow and be a little more conformed to His image thanks to the opportunity we’ve all been given to simply trust the Lord, and believe what He says.

The Sermon in a Nutshell: Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. (Corrie Ten Boom) And take some time to do some thinking about what you’re thinking about! (Me)

There’s Hagar, and there’s Sarah.

Jan 14, 2010 | Baby Photos, The Good Word

People around the world are experiencing financial crunch right now. I think it is sometimes a good thing to be reminded of that when we get overwhelmed about where the money’s coming from for this or that, or whether your family could make it two months if you or your spouse lost your job. What Mark and I have been challenged about for quite some time is something I think a lot of us might struggle with, so I thought I’d chat about it, and tell you I’d love to hear your thoughts too.

Mark and I were both convinced that living in debt was not God’s way before we got married. There are certain things we see as reasonable reasons to go into debt (a home or a car, basically, but we’d prefer not to even go into debt for a car) and there are a lot of things that honestly, I think most people could learn to do without, but would rather go into debt for, than do without. As we’re building our marriage, we’ve recognised that the challenge to follow those principles meets us at regular intervals. (We have sometimes failed, and we are in debt at the moment, mainly for a car, but also because we’ve used the credit card crutch, too.)

Son of Promise

Here's our little "Son of Promise" ... occasionally confused for a daughter of promise these days. He likes raisins.

When Mark finished his work in financial services and we went back to North Carolina to raise support to work for a church plant in Scotland, we knew we weren’t signing up to be rolling in the big bucks. When our visa situation meant we had to leave the US before we’d finished raising a full partnership team, we knew we’d really signed up for a life of faith, and the journey began. We’ve continually had to trust the Lord for the finances for things like making it home for my sister’s wedding, or just making ends meet at the end of the month. But the struggle has been that the credit card is always sitting on the back burner… available for emergencies… but more than willing to also offer its shiny little self for non-emergencies.

We are in another one of those faith-situations at the moment. We decided not to go to North Carolina this Christmas because the finances weren’t there and we weren’t going to play chess with the space on our credit cards to make it possible. We hoped this would mean we’d perhaps be able to go back in April, because two of our dear friends are getting married, and my sister is having a baby. We would love to be able to visit family, meet the new baby, watch the Bear be the “Ringbear” in our friends’ wedding, and perhaps have the opportunity to visit some ministry partners and attempt to find some more. (We still don’t have a 100% partnership team).

Here’s where I’m going to really open up the honesty box. I would’ve been willing to put a North Carolina Christmas on the credit card if Mark said it was okay. When I realised that, I really had to repent. (I may have shared this with you already.) I had to submit to the Lord and decide that I wanted His will more than I wanted to see my family. And it was hard to get to a place where I could say that and mean it. As the time for making a decision about the next opportunity to go home approached, I discovered the same thing was in my heart again. If Mark would’ve said it was okay to credit card the adventure home, I would’ve said “Yeah, baby!” and not have blinked twice. But when we do things in our own strength, where do we give God the opportunity to supply all our needs according to His riches and glory? (And to decide which things are the things He wants to provide for.)

As we sat across the room from each other and talked about this a few weeks ago (not because we were arguing, but because we were in single beds at Mark’s parents’ house and they are across the room from each other…very Lucy & Desi) Mark commented that the credit card was kind of like our Hagar. And it’s so true. When God promised to provide Abraham with a son, it was clear that it would be a thing of God, and not something Abraham needed to do in his own strength. But his attempt at making it happen in his own strength, at Sarah’s suggestion, was how Ishmael came about, by Hagar and not by Sarah.*

There are so many moments in our own lives where we have the opportunity to trust God, or to fall back on our own crutches and attempt to make things happen in our own strength. If God wills for us to be here for this or there for that, I believe we can trust Him to make a way for us, as long as we are obedient and listening to His guidance and direction. So as we had that chat a few weeks ago, we decided not to settle for trying to make things happen with Hagar, in our own strength, but to trust for the promises of God to be fulfilled. In Abraham’s case, through his wife Sarah, and in ours, by not falling back on the credit card crutch, but pressing forward to trust that living God’s way is better, even if it’s harder.

I don’t know exactly how all this is going to come together. But I thought I’d share a bit of what the “life of faith” looks like in my neck of the woods these days. God is a good and most definitely a trustworthy God. (Have you seen my new dishwasher? 🙂 ) And I look forward to sharing with you how all these things come together, for His goodness and glory.

*See Genesis 15 – 21 if you’d like to read the whole story.

Lukewarm stuff is yucky. Including me.

Jan 8, 2010 | Baby Photos, Stories, The Good Word

Since this post is a little bit on the heavy side, I though I’d start you out with a nice, refreshing, happy picture before you dig in. Complements to my husband, who’s doing some great photography these days. 🙂

Light Before Heavy

As I’ve shared a little bit with you so far this year, I’ve been challenged to go deeper with God, and in a way, to re-engage, when it seems like I had switched to auto-pilot and was just doing my own thing.

I was challenged by a question I read the other day: “How different would your life look if you stopped believing in God?” I was challenged because I really had to think about it. As I spent some time in prayer this morning, I was thinking about my life and my faith lately, and I honestly think they would best be described as half-hearted and lukewarm. I repented this morning, because I think instead of genuinely chasing after the Lord, I’ve been going through the motions.

Here’s an example. Let’s say I want to pray about something, to ask the Lord for His will, His word, or His direction. I might ask once, twice, maybe a few times. But half-heartedly. Not sincerely seeking, just “if you wanna let me know, that’d be great. K, thanks.” And if I didn’t hear anything, instead of going deeper, seeking the Lord’s face, and going after Him, I’d just let the decision get made for me (perhaps by Mark or by life in general) or else I’d just weigh the pros and cons and call the shots for myself.

In my prayer time I’ve been half-hearted. Going through the motions. Praying for certain people on each day of the week, but more as a checklisttogetthroughsoIcanstarttheday than an opportunity to meet with my Creator and really be with Him.

And on the subject of sin, I sometimes find myself thankful, not particularly that the Lord has saved me from my sin, but more that He has saved me from the punishment for my sin. The difference might seem subtle, but there’s a lot to that if you care to take a moment and ponder it.

The thing I’m being challenged about that I really want to share is this: The Lord is constantly warning us about people who think they know Him and think they have a relationship with Him, but get to the end of their lives and are dead surprised no pun intended when Jesus says “I never knew you.” It is so easy to pray a prayer once, make a commitment down at the altar at twelve years old, start out running the race for Jesus and get sidelined by the cares of this world, to the point where the only difference between you and the guy next door is that you cuss a little less and don’t sleep in on Sunday mornings.

We shouldn’t assume we’re the good soil. We shouldn’t assume we’re not lukewarm. We shouldn’t assume we’re the ones who are doing for the least of these. We need to judge ourselves. We’re instructed not to judge others, but YES, to judge ourselves. Are we actually doing for the least of these? Are we actually carrying a cross? Are we even willing to get out of our comfort zones? Or are we just doing ‘enough’ to get by? Enough to hopefully squeak through those pearly gates?

I don’t know whether this next statement will surprise you or not. I don’t know what your expectations might be for the life and faith of a missionary on the field. I’m very thankful for the blessings of God. I’m celebrating the highs and occasionally going to Him with the lows. But lately I’ve been lukewarm, and I don’t want to walk that way for another day.

Once many years ago when I was just beginning to walk with the Lord, I was discouraged because I’d disobeyed Him, and I really didn’t want to mess up. (Lately I don’t have that same attitude — but I intend to!) The Lord met me with encouraging words from Deuteronomy 4:29, which He has met me with again and again ever since. “But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

Wherever you are, wherever I am, whatever situation we find ourselves in, we can get back in the game. We can start running the race again. We can start going after God. Reading the Word, doing what it says, and following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  This was my prayer this morning in response. Feel free to make it yours:

“…Lord… Help me to re-engage. Please forgive me for letting my love grow cold. I want to walk in Your ways, seek Your face and run after you with passion. Help me to take the first step toward showing You I love You by obeying your commands, today.”