Jul 30, 2014 | The Parenthood
Okay, Mamas.
It feels totally weird and funny and a heap of other adjectives to be writing on this topic. I would much rather be writing about the Lord — and perhaps somehow that subject will tie in, as I believe it does with pretty much everything — but I have had a number of questions about this rather unusual subject… So! Let’s dive in with a backstory, shall we? Never hurts to know where you’re coming from before you know where you’re going.
Ugh. What?
Some of you have been reading around here long enough to know that I had the privilege of spending a couple of years living in Hero Hubs’ territory, our beautiful and beloved South Africa. My heart pines for those distant shores… a story for another day. Now, while I was in South Africa, more specifically near Cape Town in Gordon’s Bay, I had the privilege of making some pretty awesome friends. One of those friends was named Lucy.
Lucy had a little girl who was just about the same age as the Bear. These were the days when I still just had one kidlet running around (same for Lucy). Lucy often came over for coffee and we’d go for a walk around the neighborhood and talk about faith and parenting and budgeting and planning and all those wonderful Mom-topics that inevitably make their way into conversation almost every time you speak with another Mom for more than thirty-seven seconds.
So in one of those coffee-and-chat moments, Lucy mentioned that she’d been taking her little one to the potty on a regular basis since she was, like, super-young. This was four years ago, so forgive me for not remembering tons of details. Her little girl was used to the idea of sitting on the potty and going, like before she was a year old. But when winter came to SA, she stopped wanting to go because the toilet seat was cold, and Lucy was trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly this lightbulb went off in my brain… something like, Wait!!! You’re telling me there’s another way, besides just doing diapers until your kid is old enough to fight with you and you reward him with M&Ms for six months and eventually he ‘gets it’ and goes? I considered the possibility of working with the Bear some more, but didn’t feel like I knew enough to make any changes, didn’t ask enough questions, promptly allowed life to carry right on, and eventually potty-trained the Bear when he was a respectable bit-less-than-two-and-a-half, because I wanted him to be out of diapers before the Tank steamrolled into our lives and got into them.
Fast forward one country and two kids later. We’re in the States, and expecting the Belle. And I suddenly get the itch to consider cloth diapering again. Because picturing a third kid coming into our lives and filling trash can after trash can with diapers was an idea that was just making me more and more uncomfortable. After doing some research, I connected with another local Mama on Facebook (named Michelle) who was getting rid of a cloth diaper stash. A hop, skip and a jump later Michelle was in my living room, explaining a bit about cloth diapering to me, and mentioning the fact that her diapers were exceptionally clean because she did infant potty training. And wait! Said my brain. I’ve had some thoughts about that before! She shared a little bit more in detail about how she went about with the process of infant potty training, and my brain spun for about thirty minutes afterwards with thoughts like:
- Wait! It’s actually natural for a child to get used to going when they’re held in a position that relieves their pelvic muscles. This makes a lot of sense.
- Hey! That’s what Lucy back in South Africa was talking about.
- Whoa, wait a minute! What do people who live in poverty and can’t afford disposable diapers do anyway?
- Hmmmmmmm. Is this a giant diaper-pilfering conspiracy, spear-headed by people who don’t mind trashing the planet as long as they can line their pockets?
- Why does everyone think we have to wait until our kids are three to potty-train anyway?
A feverish frenzy of googling ensued, and while I couldn’t find a lot of the information I was looking for, I made a couple of good discoveries, like:
- Infants can be potty-trained.
Baby-center commented, “While the notion of potty training a very young infant seems radical to many American parents, it’s not a new idea. Before 1950, most children in the United States were toilet trained by 18 months. And today, most African, Asian, and European babies are trained well before their second birthday.” Source
So, with my brain spinning with a myriad of confusing concepts, the American Academy of Pediatrics telling me that babies are physically unable to control their bladder or bowels much before 18 months, and a ton of anecdotal evidence to the contrary, I decided, well, little Belle, my darling girl. You’re here, and I’m about to start cloth diapering you. And you know what? Cloth diapering would be a lot cooler if your poops went in the potty.
So, when she was about three months old, (maybe a little younger) there was a particular day where I knew she hadn’t pooped for a while, and I could tell she was irritated about that. I had a froggy potty (borrowed from my sister) hanging out in my bathroom and I said, What the heck.
Feel free to skip off to another website because you now think I’m a complete liar, but I sat the baby on the potty and she pooped immediately. Not five minutes later. Not two minutes later. Immediately.
So I felt there was some credence to the notion that certain muscles are being relieved when we relieve ourselves, and it seemed natural for my little one, when placed in a position on a potty which relieved those muscles, to relieve herself.
Because she did.
At the time it felt like SUCH a big deal. Suddenly, there was this whole new option for dealing with the fact that kids need to potty, and I didn’t even know it existed!! I didn’t have grandiose ideas of any proportion — I just made one simple goal at that point: pay enough attention to the Belle that most of the time she poopies in the potty.
Over the next few weeks I began to pay attention to timing and signals (often facial signals) that said, “Take the Belle to the potty” and she quickly got used to pooping there. I dabbled in going further and regularly taking her pee pee as well. She often pee peed when I took her potty, but I just wasn’t as consistent about taking her, so we were using cloth diapers for that.
But the main thing I was hoping for, I was able to quickly achieve: By around four months of age, I was catching about 90% of little Belle’s poops in the potty.
For the past sixteen months or so, the Belle has been using the potty for poopies. She rarely has an accident, and if she does, it is usually when I’m not around and I forget to mention to someone else “the signal” — which she developed herself. A while ago, she started patting herself on the behind, while murmuring something unintelligible. After the pat, she walks to the bathroom, and I follow, and help her up onto the potty to do her business.
Honesty box opening up here: I have been totally lazy about the pee pee thing. I’ve dabbled in trying to take her very consistently, so that we could move towards skipping out on diapers altogether. When I pay attention, we do have some great success, but inevitably I decide to take the diaper off and let her run free, I forget to take her potty, we have an accident or two, and I say, WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MAHSELLLF! (It’s never a poop accident, mind you.) And then I go back to just making sure she poops in the potty.
The fact that we are very successful on the pee pee front, when I’m consistent, indicates to me that fully potty training a little one by twelve months or so has to be possible. Michelle’s little one was fully potty-trained around then. We are still in progress, and we have made it through at least a half a day without a pee pee accident, but, if you think about it, we kind of train our kids to get used to going in diapers, and then we have to go about the business of un-training that when they’re older.
Might as well blame mahself.
If we are fortunate enough to welcome a fourth Collie kid into our family at some stage, I will aim at much more faithfully attempting the potty training right from the start. (Well around the first or second month maybe).
If you are interested in learning more about Infant Potty Training (and I do highly recommend trying it) Babycenter has a pretty good overview on the topic with some good How-To’s to get you started. I imagine you can find the subject in a number of online forums as well, to find out more about what has worked for other parents. Google “infant potty training” or “elimination communication” and let your head spin!!
Two major things worked for me, especially getting started:
- Consistent Timing – Aim to take baby to the potty at the same times each day, perhaps always before a nap, always after a nap, always before a meal, always 20 minutes after a meal… you get the idea. Once you start to observe what the timing is for your kid doing their business, you can help them work toward getting used to going when you take them, around those times.
- Distraction, Distraction, Distraction – I imagine hanging your tiny wee bare bum over the edge of a toilet seat that is cooler than room temperature isn’t particularly exciting. Especially at the beginning, I had a few interesting toys I’d let the Belle hold when I sat her on the potty. I also sang particular songs, that I only sang at potty time. I humbly ask forgiveness to the people of Scotland, I turned the Ally Bally Bee nursery rhyme into a song about Arabella Bee going potty. But it worked.
Imagine how many diapers wouldn’t end up in landfills if we returned to the art of infant potty training! I know it’s not a possibility for everybody, but, if it is a possibility for you, it’s worth considering! Less throwing away trash, less throwing away cash… win, win!
Any Mamas out there who’ve tried or succeeded at infant potty training? Or are you a Mama willing to consider it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
xCC
Jul 3, 2014 | Quiver Tree Photography, The Parenthood
Four score and three kids ago, Hero Hubs and I sat down and discussed whether or not we wanted to use cloth diapers. I was aware of the environmental impact of disposable diapers and leaned a little more in the cloth direction. We lived in Scotland at the time and found that there was a nappy (diaper in many English-speaking countries outside the US) service available, so that we would actually not even have to clean our cloth diapers ourselves. We looked at the figures estimating how much it would cost per nappy to participate in the service and eventually decided if we were barely breaking even it probably wasn’t worth the extra effort, but we could look into it again later. Times were kinda tight.
We moved to South Africa, where the Tank was born two and a half years later, and again thought about cloth but just didn’t think we were up for the extra laundry, the extra effort, and so on. We also got disposables at a discount because of our health insurance company, which helped because they were much more expensive in SA than the UK. It was definitely more convenient. But with each kid, my discomfort about the ginormous amount of trash we were creating grew a little more and a little more.
Finally, when we were back in the States and expecting the Belle, I just didn’t want to do disposables anymore. The trash thing was just too much for me. The Hubs was very concerned about the ick factor of doing cloth diapers, and I eventually just said “I’ll do it and you won’t have to,” because I cared that much about making the switch. I started doing my research about how to get started. Around that time, Quiver Tree Photography was just ramping up, and through a series of events on Facebook, I connected with a Mama who’d finished cloth diapering and had a great stash to sell. We hadn’t been back in the States long and our finances were pretty tight, and jumping into cloth diapering can be expensive at the beginning. So when she suggested trading diapers for a photography session that would help her launch her business, I begged the Hubs to do it for me.
And that is how my cloth diapering journey began.
So, for the past year and some change, I’ve been meaning to mention to you, lovely readers, something about the fact that I’ve been cloth diapering for a while, and that I’m happy with the experience.
There is a heap of information that I could share about the experience, but since a slew of websites and ebooks have already been devoted to that subject and I don’t consider myself an expert, I’ll give you some main points and share about a specific brand that I recently discovered while looking to add a few new diapers to the collection.
Here are answers to some of the main questions I’d imagine you might have about cloth diapering:
How does it work?
Basically, there are a few different types of diapers on the scene, and I’m sort of oversimplifying things here, but the most popular ones these days are probably all-in-ones or all-in-twos. The former are basically just that — all-in-one reusable diapers the baby wears and you wash. The latter usually have a shell and an insert. The shell is the part the baby wears. The insert either snaps to the shell or slides inside the shell, and it’s the part that absorbs the wetness.
After the baby does his or her business, you usually have a pail set aside with a lid, and you separate the shell from the insert and drop both parts into that pail (it does not have water in it like back in the day). If there’s #2 on the scene, you drop that into the loo. You wash cloth diapers separately from your regular laundry — the recommendation is usually warm rinse, hot wash, double rinse. Often the shells should be hung to dry and the inserts can be tumble dried, but each brand has its own preferences.
It is gross?
Well, maybe a little. But another awesome thing happened when I traded the Hubs’ skills for cloth diapers — I learned about infant potty training. So at four months I started sitting the Belle on the potty, and she started pooping there. She has been pooping on the loo about 80-90% of the time since then, and lately she very rarely has an accident. I have not been as consistent in convincing her to peepee on the potty, but when I am, she also does that. I think it just takes a little longer to learn. If you’re interested in more about that, I’ll write more (leave a comment), but this post might get too long if I keep going. I’ll just mention also that there are these very thin disposable liners that come in rolls like toilet paper, (like these at this affiliate link right here
) which can be placed between baby and diaper and they can “catch” the poop and be flushed with the poop because they’re biodegradable. That helps. You can also get a Diaper Sprayer
, which can help you spray that poopy right off that diaper and into the loo.
Does it save money?
Yes, it does save money over time. And there are a few ways to help you save more if you’re thinking about switching. Look for used cloth diapers to help you get started. I know that might seem gross, but it’s like used clothing. They’ve been washed, and you can wash them again before you use them. Look for diaper packs like the Basics Pack or the Deluxe Pack by Buttons Diapers, which will allow you to save by going ahead and purchasing a number of diapers and inserts at once. Line dry instead of using the tumble dryer. (This will be a big money saver in the long run.) And if you have more than one kid and use the diapers with multiple kids, the savings really skyrocket.
Can I have a quick play-by-play for how it works?
For sure. I’d love to walk you through the process of diapering, and in this example I’ll use a specific type of diapers — Buttons diapers. Perhaps it will give you a good idea of what the process is like and you’ll consider it for yourself!!
Buttons diapers are in the “all-in-two” category I mentioned earlier. The have a really simple system that I really liked when I decided to try them. They have inserts, the part that is adjacent to baby’s skin, which snap into the shells, which have snaps on the outside to close, and other snaps to make them adjustable for smaller or bigger babies.
There is a fleece lining on one side of their liners, which wicks moisture away from baby’s skin. For nighttime diapering, they have “doublers” which snap to the regular liners and then snap into the shell. I usually go ahead and get the diapers ready for use by stuffing liners into the pocket in the pocket-style all-in-twos, or by snapping them into place with the Buttons diapers. The snapping is faster than the stuffing. And the Hubs cannot do the stuffing (yes, he does help after all!) because his hands are too big to fit inside a pocket diaper to slide a liner in. {So, although I still predominantly handle the diapering around here, I’d vote for snaps over stuffing, both because it’s faster and because it is easier for other people to do. We have babysitters kind of often around here, and I think snapping is a more obvious thing to figure out, too.}
So, to get the Belle ready to “go” in the daytime, I simply snap a liner into a diaper, and then snap the diaper around her waist. When she has worn it for a while and I think it’s time for a new diaper, I unsnap the liner from the diaper and drop them both into a pedal bin trash can and there they stay until washing time. They get washed, (I pretty much use the routine mentioned above, but I often soak first) and I try to line dry them as much as I can, and then they go back in the pile to be used again.
A year and some change into cloth diapering, I am really happy with the decision. Did we switch back to disposables when we were traveling in South Africa for a month? youbettabelieveit. Did the amount of trash we were creating make me uncomfortable all over again? yup. Do I hope cloth diapering continues to become more and more mainstream? Yes. I. Do.
If you are considering jumping on the diaper bandwagon, I’d make a few recommendations:
First, find a friend in the area who’s already doing it and ask her to walk you through the process. (If you don’t already feel comfortable after I’ve walked you through it! 😉 )
Second, don’t get overwhelmed with the options. Take your time, read some reviews, stalk some good sales on ebay if you feel like it.
Third, a personal preference — stay away from Velcro. The Velcro diapers I have (by Bumgenius) are still in good condition, but the Velcro has worn out. It is easy for the Belle to rip her diaper off and run free, they sometimes come loose at night, and they create trains in the washing machine by getting connected to each other.
The thing for me, really, is a personal conviction about stewardship… and doing what I can not to ruin the planet for my children’s children.
Have you tried cloth diapering? Would you consider it? Got some other parenting-related green movement thoughts to share? Leave a word!
xCC
Disclosure! Buttons Diapers gave me a few diapers to try. But would I spend our hard-earned cash on ’em? Yes, I would! The thoughts and opinions above are my honest response to trying them out! Love ’em.
Jun 12, 2014 | In the Name of Love, Quiver Tree Photography
I know friends, I know! It’s been over a month since I’ve had the joy of sharing words with you. Now here’s the thing. I would like to make excuses based on the following list of tasks I’m handling:
- My awesome three small children
- My first ever garden
- Laundry
- I’m still (!) continuing to settle my Dad’s estate a year and three months after his departure
- The necessity that meals be made three times a day
- My joyful contribution to Quiver Tree Photography (I promise this list is not a complaint list! I love working alongside the Hubs!)
- Laundry
But really? Those excuses are not valid. It’s been on my heart to share a number of things here recently, but sadly, I haven’t been taking (making?) the time to do it. I’m excited to discuss my cloth diapering experience with you guys, to share photos from the last trip to SA, and to mostly just talk about God’s goodness — a topic I still haven’t gotten tired of.
But today, I’m coming up for air (because I feel a bit like I’ve been swimming under water and I need to see which way I’m headed…perhaps you can relate?) to ask you an important question. Which starts with an observation. {And the reason why my list isn’t exactly valid.}
Writing is the thing that makes me come alive inside. I love to write. LOVE. And the way Eric Liddell spoke about how he loved to run, that when he ran “He felt the Lord’s pleasure” with him, I get that sense about writing. I sense that the Lord says write and speaks to me and through me when I do.
But then, hold up — you might say — why isn’t writing on that list up there, ya cottonheadedninnymuggins?
Isn’t that a funny thing? One important thing I absolutely believe I was created to do isn’t on my to-do list?
Here’s my diagnosis: The world does not always give us permission to do the things we love. Sometimes we even begin to feel guilty about taking time to do the things we love. Here are some reasons you might have for not going after something you love:
- It doesn’t make any money. (Often a major one these days among us capitalists, I think).
- It requires time that you don’t feel you ought to give it.
- It might require some monetary investment… and you feel like you just can’t do that.
- You’re afraid of trying to do it and failing.
That list could go on and on, but you get the point. We often feel like we need some sort of “permission” from the world around us to go after something we love. To take a risk and dive in to something new.
I once read a story (tell me if you can remember where) about a young man who was on a trip with his Dad and his brothers, and they were going to go hike up Mt. Rainier together. The views along the hike are breathtaking, and Seattle spreads out like a blanket in front of this beautiful peak.
When they arrived at the National Park’s Visitor Center, he got scared. There were (a few) interesting things to see around the visitor center, so, really out of fear, he excused himself from the hike and stayed at the visitor center. His Dad and brothers went on the hike, but he stayed behind and waited for them to return. He learned a lot about Mount Rainier at that Visitor Center, but fear kept him from truly experiencing Mount Rainier, and afterwards, he regretted the choice he made.
Is there anything in your life, right now, that you think, in five or ten years’ time, you’ll look back on and think, “Gosh, I wish I’d just made some time to ____________ back then”?
Trying to do something you love in a world that is telling you to just get on with being productive can feel a bit like hiking up a mountain. Scary for some, exciting for others.
Know that the thing you love to do does not need to make money for you in order for it to be valid.
Lots of people enjoy photography as a hobby. They eventually decide to begin working as photographers, charging for photo sessions. They feel that they are validating their hobby, by turning it into a paycheck. But the truth is, they aren’t really doing what they love. They don’t necessarily enjoy working with people they’ve never met before or children or dogs. They find paid photo sessions incredibly stressful. They don’t want to quit their full time job to pursue photography, and they’re in this sort of limbo, where they’ve started turning something they passionately enjoyed into something to help pay bills, which has turned it something they no longer enjoy.
The truth is, sometimes photography can be a profession and still be a passion (we know this personally), but sometimes a person needs to have a 9 to 5 doing something else, to allow photography the space to be something they enjoy as a creative outlet when they’re not working.
For me, writing isn’t paying any bills (yet) but it makes me come alive inside, and I love it. So I should stop waiting for the world to give me permission to do something I love and believe I was created to do.
What is that thing for you? Is it screaming inside your head as you’re reading these words? Shouting “stop ignoring me, please!” perhaps?
Here’s an important truth:
via the awesome Jon Acuff
The world might neither give you permission nor encouragement to follow your dreams and do what you love. And it is likely it will give you resistance.
But the first step is acknowledging there is something you’re not doing that you’d really love to do. And the next step is to figure out how, even by tiny measures, you can actively work toward making that dream a reality.
So ask yourself: what’s it going to take to get me off the sidelines and onto the field?
Let me be one voice today giving you permission to give some of your time, your heart, your self to doing something you love.
xCC
Apr 24, 2014 | The Good Word
Have you ever had one of those days where the cares of the world (or really your small section of them) were so heavy on your shoulders, you were practically laying flat on the floor trying to carry them? I had one yesterday.
The day started off with me bringing a few things that were concerning me to Jesus, asking Him to be present in situations that concern our family, things we cannot control. My heart was heavy with worry and concern, but I did my best to lay it down.
By 8:15 am, I’d picked it up again. And, as the day progressed, I — unaware of what I was doing — had three or four other concerns that I also allowed to weigh me down. I’d been sick with a cold and had barely a whisper of a voice with which to manage the children. I had a babysitter back out and had to scramble to find a sitter for a commitment the next night. One family member with health issues was constantly in my thoughts. I ran out of cloth diaper detergent and refused to put three children in the car to go and fetch some.
It was turning into a terrible horrible-no-good-very-bad-day
.
I was aware that I was feeling low and moving slow. And I pretty much did the opposite of what I should’ve done: I just wallowed in it.
{There was indeed a trip to South Africa that I’ve told you nothing about so far… and I promise to share some photos and stories from it with you. But you don’t have to be at the beach to have a happy day!}
Fear has this funny way of sneaking in a side door. Often, we don’t even realize that fear is at the root of an issue or situation that we’re discouraged about, meanwhile, it’s busy building all sorts of traps and snares in our hearts and minds, meant to keep us fearing instead of trusting.
And fear can be terribly paralyzing. If we don’t allow it to draw us closer to Jesus, you can be sure it will be quick to pull us away, and we will struggle to make our way out of it.
I moved slowly and laid lowly throughout the day, and just sort of chalked it up to “having a lot on my mind” and “feeling a little under the weather,” but truthfully, I was making a conscious decision to allow fear to have its way, instead of choosing to hope, to trust, to have faith.
When we choose to cling to a care or concern in our lives, we are often choosing not to bring it to the God who can remind us of Who He is, how sovereign He is, and how much He loves us.
I’d written Psalm 16:11 in my journal that morning, and (obviously) promptly forgotten it:
You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
If I had chosen to turn back to the presence of Jesus, to share my cares and concerns and allow Him to rescue me from fear, I would’ve found joy in His presence. And for the believer, the joy of the Lord is a strength like no other.
Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”
I chose to sit, sapped of strength, because I chose not to go back to the source of joy: Jesus.
This morning, as I reflected on why yesterday was lousy and what I could have done differently, I read Romans 8:5-6 and had an Aha! moment of enlightenment:
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
Why did I feel a little like warmed up death yesterday? Basically, because I allowed all the cares of this world to be the place where my mind dwelled pretty much the. entire. day.
When we set our minds on the hope that we have in Jesus and the truth that this world is just a shadow of what’s to come, we can find life and peace.
Is there anything God can’t handle? Anything He can’t walk you through? Absolutely not!
We can trust Him and we should trust Him.
So don’t be a ninnymuggins like me and exchange the joyous gift of today for a pile of cares and concerns that won’t change just because you’re worrying about them.
Find life and peace in God’s presence, and let today be an unexpectedly wonderful gift.
xCC
Mar 6, 2014 | The Good Word
It was a year ago today. Perhaps even a year ago this very moment, as I type these letters, that the phone rang. We were sitting on the couch, eating ice cream, just HH and I. Kids in the bed, life peaceful, lots on our minds, lots to think about, but it was the happiest day I’d had in a really long time.
My Mom came over to stay with the kids and we drove through the dark, long half an hour, full of minutes streaming on, second after second until at last I was in that emergency room — so sterile an environment with a doctor encouraging me talk to him, we’re putting him on ice. Intravenous cold therapy. Cardiac arrest and stroke. Dizzying words in a dizzying scene.
Maybe he can hear you and maybe he can’t.
It was all a year ago, today.
The week that followed was the longest, the hardest, I can count among my days. Hand sanitizer and in and out of the Cardiac ICU to nurse a four-month-old so full of life and stand beside the bed of my dying Dad.
On the Seventh Day, he rested.
And here a year has come, has gone, with lows and highs and milestones and some days just wondering in between.
My brother and sister and I exchange text messages and memories. How he hated to wear socks. The times he got himself in a bit of trouble with his words. Miller Lite with a lime. Beach music and grilled chicken wings.
And a whole full year — it just goes, life, like the good water, the water that flows, 365 days I’ve lived without one of the three who had a tangible hand in my beginning.
It has been hard. Finding closure, about his life. And in particular this time — so many meetings, so much paperwork. Selling the boat he promised to buy when we moved back from South Africa while U2 played over the radio — Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own — I got in my car and wept.
Questions that won’t be answered this side of heaven pile high in far corners of my mind. No sense in writing them down — you can’t take it with you, can you?
But there is this truth I’ve known through all of this. There is this God, available and near to the brokenhearted. Who won’t extinguish the flame of a dimly burning wick.
In two days time, we’ll begin a journey back to South Africa. Back to the Beloved Country where HH first asked and I first said yes. The country where the Bear learned to walk and the Tank cried his first cry and learned to breathe.
I am joyful — so joyful to be going.
We’ll introduce the Belle to a Goo-Goo and Gammy who’ve only ever seen her on Skype. Two aunts and one uncle who’ve enjoyed the photographs but not yet the presence. And we’ll meet one precious little niece for the first time.
There’s a kind of homesickness I have for this place — and it’s funny to explain, but true.
It may seem strange to be homesick for the place you weren’t born, lived twenty years before setting foot on. But the soil’s been on my shoes and in my heart and a children’s book called Grandfather’s Journey actually put it perfectly:
The minute I am in one place, I am homesick for the other.
Three countries on earth I have the privilege of longing for and loving dearly. I find joy where I am, but I also look forward to going again, with a deep, unexpected longing.
And here is an amazing thing.
I found joy on my kitchen floor not too long ago. I can say for sure: Even after loss, there can still be so much laughter. Even after change, there is still space for so much hope and joy.
These 365 days have been unexpectedly full. Grace to grace and strength to strength, joy to joy. Hard times, sometimes yes, but still — I am learning to see the gifts, and thereby learning to better see the Giver.
Somewhat like the homesickness you might feel if you live in a place for a while and fall in love with it, there is another homesickness, a different one.
It’s where you find yourself when someone you have loved so deeply is gone and you are left — you know you can’t renew your passport and buy your plane ticket and make your way to the place where you are together again.
It’s a homesickness not of this world.
Such powerful words, whispered gently in the movie The Gladiator — to a soldier who has lost his wife and son, and must carry on to live the rest of his days: You’ll see them again, but not yet.
Not yet, indeed.
Until I’m called home to the One who dreamed me into being, I’ll be here — and after last year’s loss, I am a little more homesick to be there.
Because this is what I’ve heard about it:
And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” {Rev. 21:3-4}
The best. The best is yet to come.
Our lives can change so quickly, friends. It is profoundly, unbelievably true. I’ve stayed still this year. Cried hard this year. Breathed deeply this year. Made painstaking efforts to say yes to Will you play with me? more often than I say no — though I fail, sometimes, I fail. Pressing on toward that beautiful call I was created to hear and respond to. I’ve aimed to be intentional, loving the people who mean the most to me, extending with grace and gentleness to the world around me.
Could we all be flowers unfolding, in a way? Petal after petal, peeling back so gently, so slowly. We extend and stretch out ourselves toward the world around us, if we’re willing. Isn’t it beautiful when a flower opens up? At the very center, they’re pointed up toward the sun.
Where is your life pointing? Where are your arms stretching? Don’t put the day after tomorrow among the things you count on. Live knowing this moment is important, because you don’t know how many more you have.
And if you’re homesick, let that homesickness remind you how fragile and fleeting our days truly are. How quickly things change.
Today could be the day everything changes — like me, last year — a day you might feel homesick for later on.
Love deep and live well, dear ones. This is the time that you have. Make it count.
xCC
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