It is so funny that I was talking the other day about being a pretender and sometimes saying everything is fine when it isn’t. Because I came across another Great Pretender — even better than me — today in a conversation on Facebook. A friend I haven’t spoken to in quite some time sent me a Facebook chat message and wanted me to wire some money to them in London because they just got robbed at gun point.

I was immediately suspicious — I’m not always a cotton-headed-ninnymuggins, AND this friend lives in North Carolina — and asked if this was the Melissa who works at McDonalds (because she doesn’t). From there, I decided, why not have some fun? Here is the delightful chat that ensued:

Melissa

hey

how you doing?

4:04pm

Caroline

Sorry, this is mark on caroline’s computer

4:05pm

Melissa

ok

please i need your help?

??

4:06pm

Caroline

Hey Melissa — Mark has switched to his computer and I’m here. Is everything ok?

4:06pm

Melissa

am stuck in London at the moment

4:06pm

Caroline

oh wow

4:07pm

Melissa

got mugged at gun point

i need your help to get back hoem

??

??

4:07pm

Caroline

gosh I am so sorry to hear that

is this Melissa that works at McDonalds?

4:07pm

Melissa

i need yu to loan me some to get back home

i’ll def refund it back

i promise

4:08pm

Caroline

sorry Melissa — I just want to make sure i know which Melissa this is so I’ll put the money in the right account

is this Melissa that works at McDonalds?

4:10pm

Melissa

yes

please i need it fast so i can get back home

4:11pm

Caroline

wow okay

whereabouts are you in London?

I am there visiting my brother in law and his girlfriend in Barnton.

4:11pm

Melissa

i need you to get it to me by western union so i can get it from the bank and get back home fast.

4:12pm

Caroline

It’ll be faster for me to meet up with you, really. I have never used Western Union before and I’d felt lost.

I’d feel lost.

4:13pm

Melissa

please it easy

4:13pm

Caroline

Okay, can I call you with the details?

4:14pm

Melissa

all cash,credit card and phone was stolen off me

4:14pm

Caroline

wow shame that is hard.

4:14pm

Melissa

i don’t have a phone

4:14pm

Caroline

Are you near any payphones?

or a restaurant?

What part of London are you in?

4:15pm

Melissa

let me give you the details

4:15pm

Caroline

okay, which Western Union in London is it?

4:16pm

Melissa

Name – Melissa [I’ve removed her last name for privacy]
Location – 30 Leicester Square London United Kingdom WC2H 7LA

got it

??

4:18pm

Caroline

we’re in Leicester Square right now! We are looking at buying tickets for a show! Let’s meet up! We can help you and give you the cash in hand!

4:22pm

Melissa

please i need to sort my bills

that why i need you to get it to me by western union

4:28pm

Melissa

are you there?

??

4:28pm

Caroline

you keep switching on and offline…

I was writing you back but it wasn’t going through

4:29pm

Melissa

ok

4:29pm

Caroline

so can we meet up in Leicester Square?

4:33pm

Melissa

u there?

4:33pm

Caroline

yeah…I was just asking about meeting up in Leicester Square but you went offline again.

Are you in Nigeria?

4:34pm

Melissa

what do you mean?

4:34pm

Caroline

Melissa is actually in Washington, North Carolina — so unless you are teleporting, you are committing fraud right now.

Are you sure you’re not the queen of Nigeria with a billion dollar fortune to share?

4:35pm

Melissa

why?

4:37pm

Melissa

??

4:37pm

Caroline

well, it seems pretty clear to me since Melissa is back in North Carolina that you are LYING. But I would love to chat with you about Jesus.

4:38pm

Melissa

you ok

4:40pm

Caroline

yeah I’m fine.

I just think it’s a really mean thing for you to pretend to be someone else and ask people to send you money. It’s really deceptive and not nice!

4:41pm

Melissa

so you can’t help me?

4:41pm

Caroline

If you tell me who you ARE, and you are straight with me, maybe I can help you.

4:42pm

Melissa

OMG!!!!!

Melissa is offline.

I think the OMG!!! at the end was my favourite part. I’m sure none of you would be silly enough to wire money to people via Western Union in situations like this, but just in case, consider yerself warned! I might also recommend being careful about giving away your Facebook password when doing quizzes and adding applications. Might be why folks are getting hacked…just a thought. I suppose thanks to this adventure we can be thankful for one more thing this Thanksgiving: A good laugh!